Police surround him and handcuff him. Clinton replied, "Boxers" "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir." An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. ", says the boy. Toggle navigation Taxi driver just grinned and said give me a clue? People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebraanything but another white man! According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. M ost presidents understand that making fun of themselves is endearing.. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Q: Under Obamas health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions? If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head. Because their job is in-tents. 17 Best John Boehner Jokes, 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. Lord Farquaad is a clever way to mock an old boss. After a Beer Festival in London, several brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Wait, wait, said the teacher. Joke: If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady. ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Our names both have sixteen letters. I am a word of 5 letters and people eat me. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. Other top 10 jokes you may also like. or Between you and me, something smells. Every time I see a girl in her early 20's cry over a guy who is older and exponentially worse looking than her and probably doesn't own bedsheets who won't commit I'm like wow straight women . Which US president was able to clean up government wrongdoing? WASHington. 4. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges. Mummies don't go on vacation, why? Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank. Are you retarded? Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified. Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son." The batroom. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. he asks. No seriously guys he's not my president. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. 30+ Funny Presidents' Day Jokes For Washington's Birthday! Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. Don't keep the fun all to yourself. I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions. Every day is a day to celebrate! He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,"I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. Which former president planted the most trees? Wood-row Wilson! Giphy. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be "more intelligent" than those who do not!!. Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. The man then leaves. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" He says You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting How did George Washington speak to his army? I have known him for years! These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country.". All three of them were very interested in politics. The 78-year-old stumbled on airplane stairs while boarding Air Force One and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and . Some cause happiness wherever they go. And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?". I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision? ", replies the girl. He accomplished this by creating the Space Force. He considered this for a moment and replied: When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.. **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! Get ready to share some laughs! An american and a russian both praise their homeland. "Where is Donald . Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. 5. Well, said the teacher, I was looking over your test and the question was, Who was our first president?, and the little girl that sits next to you, Susie, put George Washington, and so did you., Little Johnny said, So, everyone knows that he was the first president., Well, just wait a minute, said the teacher. **There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. Dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and money. Obama declined to answer the question. In class one day, the teacher pulled little Johnny over to her desk after a test, and said, Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know. . Liked these presidential jokes? In one room, the President sees a male patient masturbating furiously. 1. Trump asks the ghost, How can I best serve my country?. What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat, What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached? Youre fired!. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". I just met you, and this is gravy, but here's my stuffing, so carve me maybe. Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy! He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". 25. The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour. An airplane was about to crash. The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. "When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried . ", replies the girl. I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. 5.5K Laughs. I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale. In the piano! These are the rarely seen photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy. but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." Now, what did you say was the bad news? What would you get if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Ape Lincoln. The presidential footrace Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". What's a cat's favorite dessert? Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank." "That's excellent! Thanksgiving Puns. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat? To keep his head warm! They say "it is illegal to insult President Putin" He says "You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting " The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is, Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. Trump says, Oh! First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. Err sorry, typo. My wife and I have an agreement that works On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class. The silver medal in the 2020 presidential election. A bowl full of mice-cream. A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. What's my name? Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. 16 because its the first time they can legally drive. "Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out. So share it with your family, friends, and other old people you know. He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone. Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates. ** What did Abe Lincoln put on his pancakes? Lincoln Log Cabin Syrup. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it. Was my hair okay? Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office. Don't miss these family friendly jokes shared by our readers. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. I thought he lived in Washington!" Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump. Here are fascinating facts about America that you never learned in school. These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins. Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in. I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son. Happy President's Day! I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time! The President beamed. So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true. See more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed. "Nothing at all, boss. The Russian president and His Holiness have seen it all before. These are the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on. Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought, The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Nobody knows what may happen. Knock, knock. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Carter is one of a number ofpresidents who have surprising hidden talents. You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. 15. In fact, they made a pact that someday, one of them would by the president of the United States. The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical. She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. "A steak", he says. Punch Line . TODAY co-hosts' kids tell jokes for . And as hes going room to room, he sees a man furiously masterbating. Where did they sign the Declaration Of Independence? At the bottom. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner". Holidays at PrimaryGames PrimaryGames has a large collection of holiday games, crafts, coloring pages, postcards and stationery for the following holidays: Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve and more. It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office! And so important is humor to Jewish culture that a landmark study on American Jewish identity in 2013 found that 42 percent of American Jews consider "having a good sense of humor" to be "an essential part of what being Jewish means." (In contrast, only 19 percent said . Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together! ( South Dakota Jokes) Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?" Student: "No, Miss Frump. 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